The scary thing is--for future nights when I can't sleep, anyway--that I'm realizing this is the part of teaching that I like: the planning. A semester of teaching English is like a 15-week party, in which I get to plan all the icebreakers and themed activities I can stand. And, trust me, I can stand a lot more literary-themed class activities than the next guy. I assume this proclivity will only increase with the more English knowledge I gain.
Let me not rush through that fact; I have learned a helluva lot of English knowledge over the last semester--truly more than I thought I would. This tells me a couple things: 1) I can retain more knowledge than I thought, as long as I'm using that knowledge practically (e.g. I'm a kinesthetic learner?) and 2) ...Well, I've forgotten the second thing now that I spent time researching the actual definition of kinesthetic. See--no short-term memory without doing something related to it!
Seriously, though, I increased my knowledge of grammar and essay writing and ways of reading and ways of studying and ways of passing a class [that don't necessarily involve bullshitting] by 100% and then some. I also can no longer read any book, magazine or newspaper; I find too many grammatical errors to enjoy what's being said. :(
Top 5 Things I've Learned During This Initiation Rite, I Mean, Semester:
- Subordinate Clauses! OMG, like, these are my fave. I love subordinate clauses because they're something we already use. So, the only true teaching involved is where to use the comma (only if the sub. conjunction comes at the beginning of the sentence). Of course, there is the risk that pointing out to students that they're using such an English-y convention will result in the direct disappearance of all things subordinate-clause-like in their work. Indeed, this will happen, which is the very reason to point it out! (see my job security reference below...)
- Coordinating Conjunctions. The reason I love these is because--unlike the rest of the postmodern world--in English Essay Land, we still get to insist on using coordinating conjunctions for their intended purpose: to COORDINATE. I probably shouldn't say it out loud, but there is a sense of smug satisfaction everytime I get to write the comment, "Don't start a sentence with a coordinating conjunction!" If this sounds like a power trip to you, that's because it is. Yes, it's true; Knowledge = Power, or, at least, it is in this instance. (insert evil laugh...)
- Transitions. Wow. Writing an essay without transitions is like attending school without going to class, a sure way to bring about disaster. Coincidentally, now that I'm a Teacher, I recommend two things: go to class and use transitions in your essay-writing. For example, how much better would my college writing have been if I had learned how to use transitions to signal to my reader what the hell was going on inside of my head. Just ask my professors; they'll tell you. Transitions would've helped me a lot!
- Logic. This, the most scary of words, has now become one of my most relied on, most repeated, most revered words. I always thought logic was completely scientific, mathematical, and pragmatic, and, therefore, in no way connected to my happily subjective life. Wrong. This is how I explain logic to my students: Logic turns the big, scary process of writing an essay paper, not having a clue if you did it right, turning it in anyway, and then wondering what the hell your teacher's going to say about it into a very simple, almost methodical, process: Write an Outline. Make sure your essay follows an acceptable form of logic. Write an essay. Breathe easily from here on out. Okay, so I just made that up. But I think it's good and I'm going to tell my students that next semester. See? Great ideas just keep coming.
- The Outline is God. (See Above.) It's true, totally true. I believe in outlines so much, I think I'm going to start writing them for everything. Have to go to the store? I'll outline 3 steps that, if followed logically, will get me there and tack on a intro./concl. just for the hell of it. Have to plan for my upcoming trip to Jamaica? Same thing. Have to prepare for a semester of teaching?...Oh. Wait, I think I already do this; only, most people call it [over]PLANNING.
By the way, the #1 grammar crime in these supposed "best-selling" novels my bookclub keeps tricking me into reading, surprisingly, is mistaking an adjective clause (usually begins with one of the 5 w's) for a sentence. I hardly ever see this in student writing, so I've concluded it's something you learn in editing school. Maybe it's a job-security thing: Anytime you see an adjective clause being used correctly, edit it into a sentence and a fragment. That way, writers will continue to be viewed as unintelligent and we'll continue to be needed!
As editing with students goes though, the more you know the harder your life really is. It's one thing for me to read a shitty book and--in place of actually reading it--edit/revise all the ways in which the author (editor?) could've actually written something worth spending my time on, but you really can't have that frame of mind when sitting down to read 40+ papers the night before they're due. You. Will. Kill. Your. Self. Or, you will want to, and may even try to through large amounts of alcohol.
Oops. I've just revealed the thing I didn't tackle this past semester: Procrastination...oh, and the Desire for Perfection. So, two things I still need to learn. I'm sure I can pick those up in no time. Then, I can be this guy.
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