so far, so NOT good...

so, my first day of "not working full time" didn't go exactly as planned... i spent most of the morning lost in the hills of milton. i had no idea milton was that big... and i'm very mad at google maps for Screwing Me Royally in their directions. as i was leaving, i noticed a MUCH quicker way to get back to the highway (one turn instead of 500) and i still wonder why google maps didn't just bring me in that way. i can only assume it's because i would've had to stay on I-95 a little longer (2 exits further down) but TRUST ME, i really don't mind, if it means avoiding driving in the country for 30-45 minutes, where street signs have been replaced by forestry. while it was good to see more of milton and confirm my desire to live there one day, i ended up being like 15 minutes late for my first "consulting" appointment. OOPS.

after leaving there, i drove straight to my next destination in quincy. i had plenty of time, so i decided to wonder towards braintree, where i thought there might be shops or a store or kiosk or SOMETHING where i could buy clothes since i was so late leaving for my prior appointment (which was casual) that i didn't think to wear something appropriate for my 2nd appointment (which was an interview). ANYWAY, i also thought they might have a GAS STATION in braintree...but i ran out of gas before finding one. luckily (?), it turns out i was only about 5 blocks from a station where they sold me a $4 gas can and $6 worth of gas that i then sloshed all over myself on the way back. so, with my car barely full enough to now make it to the appointment i was early for, i hurried to my interview (inappropriately dressed, unshowered and now sweating profusely and smelling like gas). i did actually stop at dunkin donuts on the way to "clean up," but they were out of soap. Nice.

amazingly, both appointments turned out fine. and i made it home in one piece, after getting more gas, of course. at which point, i showered.

happy letter

i just discovered this poem by Emily Dickinson (my FAVE!). i like the phrase "happy letter"and i also like the sentiment in the poem, of how the letter itself was begging to be finished, but the writer of the letter wasn't quite ready to let go. i also-also like that it's in the section of her poems called "LOVE."

...possible name for my bidness? Happy Letters: Write. Edit. Share.

“GOING to him! Happy letter! Tell him—
Tell him the page I did n’t write;
Tell him I only said the syntax,
And left the verb and the pronoun out.
Tell him just how the fingers hurried, 5
Then how they waded, slow, slow, slow;
And then you wished you had eyes in your pages,
So you could see what moved them so.

“Tell him it was n’t a practised writer,
You guessed, from the way the sentence toiled; 10
You could hear the bodice tug, behind you,
As if it held but the might of a child;
You almost pitied it, you, it worked so.
Tell him—No, you may quibble there,
For it would split his heart to know it, 15
And then you and I were silenter.

“Tell him night finished before we finished,
And the old clock kept neighing ‘day!’
And you got sleepy and begged to be ended—
What could it hinder so, to say? 20
Tell him just how she sealed you, cautious,
But if he ask where you are hid
Until to-morrow,—happy letter!
Gesture, coquette, and shake your head!”

Emily Dickinson (1830–86). Complete Poems. 1924.

Part Three: Love

XXIII

brainstorming

i still can't come up with a business name, but i agree with my marketing-guru friend that it makes sense to focus on one line of business, and that writing/editing should be that line, given my credentials. i keep thinking:

write. edit. share.

but i need a name to go with it...

today tomorrow the next day

i bought this calendar to organize my life and now everything is going to be perfect. yay! ain't it purdy?

ideas focused, design challenged

don't the two go together??

for years, i've spent my time bemoaning those big-picture bigwigs who sit around and, well, think about the big picture. meaning, they would come up with grandiose ideas that us little people had to design, implement and manage. but, really, i loved being a little person, because my strengths really were in the implementation of it all.

weren't they???

now, as i begin to market my own talents (read: myself), i have to think WAY BIG PICTURE but also think of every very small, tiny detail in order to have all the bases covered. the ideas are flowing like river water, but i can't seem to manage the needed small details: a business card, flyers, a website, how i'm going to make money. you know...the "small" stuff.

the fact of the matter is, i'm good at carrying out other people's ideas (as long as i [mostly] believe in them) and i'm good at coming up with my own ideas but never bringing them to fruition. uh-oh. trouble in not-working-full-time paradise...

this weeek on lee lee TV: can she suck it up and learn to work for herself? or will she fail miserably and be back in a cubicle, dreaming of being her own boss? cue music. fade out.