blah

i don't know how much of this has to do with the evil tumor living inside of me right now, and how much is "authentic," but i'm in one of those slumps where i just don't want to do it anymore. maybe this happens at everyone's job, but my only professional experience is pplm and--at least here--i go through "ups" and "downs." sometimes, i really love my job; i love our mission; i love my co-workers, etc etc. i work hard and know that i'm doing a good job, know that what i'm doing matters and helps people, yada yada yada. but....then, there's the rest of the time. it's such a stressful atmosphere around here (and by around here, i mean inside my brain). i often feel if i could actually care just a little bit less, i'd be way less stressed. i mean, how could a person like me have been born? how could i have been raised this way? didn't my mom try to stamp it out of me just a little bit??? i care about EVERYTHING. it's exhausting... i need to just let people be. what's the big deal if people use the bathroom right next to my cube for their daily BM? it's a bathroom! that's what it's for!! and what's the big deal if anyone hired in any other department is a VIP when it comes to office space while ALL of the managers in our department sit in makeshift almost-but-not-quite-big-enough spaces? we're only a support department!! surely there's not a big deal to be found in the fact that virtually everyone involved in our new practice management implementation knows next to nothing about our current practice management system (rest in peace, med man...) except for ME. you guessed it. i'm the only one that knows, and the only one that cares as much as i care.

i need to call the EAP.